She rolled out of bed and walked to the scale.
Next, she went over to the toilet, peed, and wiped herself. She lumbered downstairs into the kitchen, took out a Doctor Pepper, one made with real cane sugar, opened it with a worn bottle opener from the bar she worked at when she was 21 years old, homely, loud and big boned.
She looked at her nude reflection in the window in front of her and she thought about the faded tattoo between her shoulder blades of the symbol Teth with plants and other forms of live woven into it.
The leaves were all but gone from the tat. The X with a circle around it, forming the symbol Teth, remained with random, blotchy patterns around it left over from the life woven into it.
He double chin did not flatter her self image in the glass. Nor did her pattern baldness give her much of a lift as she reminded herself that the wig was ready upstairs.
She sipped her Dr. Pepper and remembered when she used to smoke at this time of day. Her skin was no longer leathery like it was in her 50s. It was old, but the damage done to her skin repaired itself. Her 65 year old skin looked better than her 50 year old skin ever did.
She closed her eyes.
She imagined a bell curve on a graph in her mind. Math was always easy for her, and imagination doubly so. She placed a point at the beginning of the bell curve and made it shine as a point of light.
She prepared for her mental journey across that bell curve and everything it meant.
The bell curve was represented two percentages. On the X axis “1” meant “Optimal Cassandra World” and the “0” meant “Worst Cassandra World” across the multiverses that aligned with each value.
The graph didn’t represent her personal courage in each of her lives. For that, she surmised was variable to herself in her personal practices.
She chose to follow the mythology that she lived infinite versions of herself and that some of these versions could, in fact, CONNECT.
She started her morning ritual with her habitual cue. “I do not have past lives, only current ones, as time is an illusion. And I live them ALL with arrogant courage!”
She started moving the point at zero that represented the worst lives she is living through the bell curve and took it all the way to 1, the best lives she is living. Slowly, she could see the point of light move along the curve and chose to feel unseen lives fly by her consciousness.
Currently, she estimated to be at a .2 life as she remembered the war going on with the gun fire, and bombs, and the smell of all that. Somehow she lost her private arrogance here, and she wanted it BACK.
As she imagined moving the point, she felt even more infinite lives of her at pass before inner eyes. Each with better environments for building a version of her that was truly a Sage: a transcended human.
Soon she reached the top of the bell curve representing the mean and felt those relative infinities also pass by.
She kept moving the point of light.
It moved higher and higher in terms of quality and lower and lower in terms of frequency until she reached 1, the optimal life for creating personal integrity and control – the lowest frequency of occurrence of all.
She commanded all her selves to look at the graph in whatever reality and place they were. And to look at her self at the value of 1. She imagined all her other selves making the same command of each.
She took another sip of her Dr. Pepper.
She then imagined her Sage-Self closing her eyes in her universe and imagining herself at 280 pounds, balding and drinking a Dr. Pepper as a pre-diabetic. She connected to her Sage-Self and chose to be the SAME person in both worlds – each imagining the other. She knew her Sage Self could live in her life with all her bad habits, insane notions and shortcoming with absolute confidence and courage.
Then she focused on lives worse than hers and faced those. Then she chose the lives of other people she knew and faced those and wished upon them all the compassion of self courage.
After about an hour she opened her eyes and declared:
“I WILLED THIS WORLD AS IT IS. SO SHALL I LIVE IT AS IT IS.”
She threw the Dr. Pepper away into her trash can and wondered if the bar she owned got blown up from the bombings last night. If so, she figured she could ask some old friends for work.
She went upstairs to bathe realizing that Dr. Peppers were not going to be as available anymore…