Another of Cassandra’s Mornings

She rolled out of bed and walked to the scale.

280 pounds.

Next, she went over to the toilet, peed, and wiped herself. She lumbered downstairs into the kitchen, took out a Doctor Pepper, one made with real cane sugar, opened it with a worn bottle opener from the bar she worked at when she was 21 years old, homely, loud and big boned.

She looked at her nude reflection in the window in front of her and she thought about the faded tattoo between her shoulder blades of the symbol Teth with plants and other forms of live woven into it.

The leaves were all but gone from the tat. The X with a circle around it, forming the symbol Teth, remained with random, blotchy patterns around it left over from the life woven into it.

He double chin did not flatter her self image in the glass. Nor did her pattern baldness give her much of a lift as she reminded herself that the wig was ready upstairs.

She sipped her Dr. Pepper and remembered when she used to smoke at this time of day. Her skin was no longer leathery like it was in her 50s. It was old, but the damage done to her skin repaired itself. Her 65 year old skin looked better than her 50 year old skin ever did.

She closed her eyes.

She imagined a bell curve on a graph in her mind. Math was always easy for her, and imagination doubly so. She placed a point at the beginning of the bell curve and made it shine as  a point of light.

She prepared for her mental journey across that bell curve and everything it meant.

The bell curve was represented two percentages. On the X axis “1” meant “Optimal Cassandra World” and the “0” meant “Worst Cassandra World” across the multiverses that aligned with each value.

The graph didn’t represent her personal courage in each of her lives. For that, she surmised was variable to herself in her personal practices.

She chose to follow the mythology that she lived infinite versions of herself and that some of these versions could, in fact, CONNECT.

She started her morning ritual with her habitual cue. “I do not have past lives, only current ones, as time is an illusion. And I live them ALL with arrogant courage!”

She started moving the point at zero that represented the worst lives she is living through the bell curve and took it all the way to 1, the best lives she is living. Slowly, she could see the point of light move along the curve and chose to feel unseen lives fly by her consciousness.

Currently, she estimated to be at a .2 life as she remembered the war going on with the gun fire, and bombs, and the smell of all that. Somehow she lost her private arrogance here, and she wanted it BACK.

As she imagined moving the point, she felt even more infinite lives of her at pass before inner eyes. Each with better environments for building a version of her that was truly a Sage: a transcended human.

Soon she reached the top of the bell curve representing the mean and felt those relative infinities also pass by.

She kept moving the point of light.

It moved higher and higher in terms of quality and lower and lower in terms of frequency until she reached 1, the optimal life for creating personal integrity and control – the lowest frequency of occurrence of all.

She commanded all her selves to look at the graph in whatever reality and place they were. And to look at her self at the value of 1. She imagined all her other selves making the same command of each.

She took another sip of her Dr. Pepper.

She then imagined her Sage-Self closing her eyes in her universe and imagining herself at 280 pounds, balding and drinking a Dr. Pepper as a pre-diabetic. She connected to her Sage-Self and chose to be the SAME person in both worlds – each imagining the other. She knew her Sage Self could live in her life with all her bad habits, insane notions and shortcoming with absolute confidence and courage.

Then she focused on lives worse than hers and faced those. Then she chose the lives of other people she knew and faced those and wished upon them all the compassion of self courage.

After about an hour she opened her eyes and declared:

“I WILLED THIS WORLD AS IT IS. SO SHALL I LIVE IT AS IT IS.”

She threw the Dr. Pepper away into her trash can and wondered if the bar she owned got blown up from the bombings last night.  If so, she figured she could ask some old friends for work.

She went upstairs to bathe realizing that Dr. Peppers were not going to be as available anymore…

Cassandra Asks an Unusual Question …

It was a dark and story night. Suddenly, shots rang out …

Cassandra was at the gun range. She was checking out her pattern on the Zombie Target print she had purchased from the range’s store.

The Zombie was a goner.

“Not a bad shot for a newbie,” said her instructor Ben. Ben had a pony tail and a “Don’t Tread on Me” tat on his forearm. The zombie had a hole right in his forehead.

“Trust me, babe that was luck. Honestly, I’m not much of a gun person,” said Cassy. “I just realized I was a little afraid of them so I had to come shoot to face that.”

“Okay,” said Ben. “Well if this Zombie had a soul, it is gone now!”

“Hmm,” said Cassy. “I wonder if Zombies will have souls? Ever notice when they put you under for surgery that when you black out and wake up hours later it feels like NO TIME has passed? Will their future sense of self feel like our sense of self under anesthesia while they mindlessly eat brains?

“Good question,” said Ben.  I got knocked out in a fight years ago and instantly lost days.”

“I know right?” said Cassandra. “Now here is a question that just came to me. Obviously, if you and I were knocked out for centuries and we awoke in 2300 AD, to US it would be no time at all right? It would just be us closing our eyes and then opening them right up at 2300.”

“Right.”

“Sooooo … regarding that Timeless Nothing’ I experience over that time span, and the Timeless Nothing that you experience over that time, I wonder if it is that the SAME Timeless Nothing or it is a SEPARATE Timeless Nothing? And if it is the same, CAN it separate and be it’s own Timeless Nothing out of choice? Is the Timeless Nothing an either or’ thing or … a ‘both and’ thing?”

Ben looked at her trying to woo her with his gaze.

“Well, I think we are all one and it’s the same, you know, the circle of life,” he said with a low sexy tone.

“I choose to be separate,” she said cutting off his intention. “That sense of the Timeless Nothing we experience during anesthesia is IMPORTANT for me to own fully myself … and not be owned depending on the universe…”

The thunder clapped approvingly.

My Final Take on Truth …

I have come to believe that the Truth with a capital “T” cannot understand itself with certainty in a complete and consistent system that could call itself “enlightenment.”

However, the Truth CAN experience itself via intuition and intuition doesn’t use logical thought. Thus an alligator with a stomach full of raw duck can intuit the Truth just as much as me.

Maybe better. They have outlived a LOT of dinosaurs yo.

“You can never notice your own enlightenment.” – Gudo Nishijima

Note to Self …

JUST TO REMIND ME:

I exist because of the deaths of trillions and trillions of beings and hundreds of thousands of species that all came before me. These beings struggled and survived extreme dangers, and each one of them faced and experienced death.

Some were eaten, some died of old age, some from disease others just from bad luck …

I have a HUGE legacy of courage before me. They faced it all.

So can I. So will I.

Humanity all has the same mom. Eve actually existed according to mitochondria DNA, so I must remember when I meet people of different colors, shapes and mindsets that …

Those are KIN. Literal brothers and sisters. We are one people. With ONE mom.

How lucky am I to be here?

My father’s half of my DNA beat out 75 million sperm out of thousands of batches roughly the same size, and on my mum’s side, her half of me ACTUALLY got in front of a queue of around 300,000 eggs.

Why?

Just to get ME here?

I choose to remind myself that I can see over a billion colors.

So, I choose to SEE more than just what I’m glossing over. With over a billion colors, why should I miss a one?

When I feel sorry for myself, or full of self anger or hatred. I think of these great courageous beings before me and realize that behind me there wasn’t a SINGLE sissy among them all.

Every being that faces death has to face death’s truth beyond the erasure of ego. And nobody is a sissy after that.

So why start now?

I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. But living? I choose that right now with the people I naturally love and those I choose to.

Cassandra’s Musing of the Day…

I dream a little dream of me.
That dreams of a little dream of me.

You dream a little dream of you.
That dreams of a little dream of you.

We both dream a dream of a soul’s recursion.
In infinite lives, and infinite dispersions.

But we dream of a soul that is not there.
But the dream of that soul, it does not care.

Materialism and Idealism both sing of souls.
One is determinedly real, and one a free-will “suppose.”

Talking to Alzheimers – 2

I’m a Personal Fitness Trainer for my day job. I had this conversation with an elderly client a few years ago whose story is changed just enough to hide her identity.

CLIENT: “Will, I can only get five sessions now. My husband is in memory care and the bills are killing me.”

ME: “Yikes! I’m sorry. No worries. I’m glad to help. My mom is in memory care right now. How are you holding up?”

CLIENT: “Oh, he’s fine. He thinks I’m his mother …  AND …  he now has a girlfriend.”

ME: “Ow. How does THAT feel?”

CLIENT: “I’m okay. He’s a story teller, and I get to watch her hang on his every word.”

((PAUSE))

CLIENT: It’s good to see him in love.”

ME: (TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP): “Excuse me, but I have exactly three words for you

((PAUSE))

… BEST …

((PAUSE))

… WIFE …

((PAUSE))

…EVER.”

Talking to Alzheimers

Went to see mom today. Asked her a familiar question:

ME: “Mom, you are wiser than I. What do you think is the meaning of life?”

((SHE PAUSED LIKE SHE HEARD THE QUESTION FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER FROM ME.))

MOM: “I don’t know. The MEANING of life?”

ME: “Yeah.”

MOM: “Breathing in and out.”

ME: “Breathing in and out?”

MOM: “Yeah, until you die.”

ME: “Okay. So, if breathing in and out is the meaning of life, what’s the meaning of death?”

((A SHORT PAUSE))

MOM: “Not breathing in and out.”

****

Jeannette Harper: ZEN MASTER

PERSONAL NOTE: If she paralleled her death statement with her life statement it would read, “Not breathing in and out until you live.”

I got nothing on this chick folks. Really.