Phil and the Scientist Continue …

The scientist set down his glasses after hearing Phil’s comments.

“So let me get this straight. You agree there is NO EVIDENCE supporting your assertions?”

“Yup. It’s bunk.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. So tell me, what are the practices of this weirdness?”

“Well, I call this my personal mythology. I make all this shit up myself. You are free to create your own, of course. But in my mythology, I see myself supported and connected to other incarnations of myself in other dimensions. This is only possible because every being has touches with enlightenment in their lives at some point. When such a point is opened, connection is forever possible.”

The scientist’s eyes went wide displaying the micro-emotion of “WTF?”

Phil continued.

“In each of my lives, I find a unit of time where I briefly perceive enlightenment in its infinity. This is outside the barriers of time and space. In these brief, unstable states of being, my ego delusions release the undefined truth of reality itself.”

The scientists eyes were in a hard stare of disbelief.

“I don’t knock these brief moments!” said Phil. “They are important! They are the key. Why? Because I cannot exist as a free-will being as a LONE being in ONE Universe. For free will to exist, I must exist across dimensions simultaneously in AT LEAST a triple existence. I have one self that is me, Phil, I have another who lives in a victorian era world on the edge of a cliff near the ocean, and the last is a blogger on a planet called Earth. All three of these realities of me exist impossibly in that SHARED MOMENT OF CLARITY. So when I sit in zazen, or in any other zen posture, I connect to these other two and the ancient decision for me to exist manifests from among us.”

Phil adjusted his shirt and continued.

“I enter these brief windows of enlightenment in my imagination and THEN I connect my consciousness to supporting versions of myself in other dimensions.”

“Wow. Now this s bullshit I never heard before!,” said the Scientist.

“Yes,” said Phil, “But it is MY bullshit. I created it.”

Phil looked at his A-11 wristwatch to catch the time and continued.

“The problem with being only one ego delusion within one universe, is that an ego-delusion cannot create itself but is a result of cause and effect and therefore doesn’t actually exist.”

The scientist nodded approvingly but was strongly suspicious that Phil was about to go batshit. He was, of course, correct.

“But if there IS no self and the ego is merely the byproduct of physical processes, then an ego delusion can be generated by a computer. Which means a self can be reduced to a numeric stream of ones and zeroes. Now IF there are other dimensions where the same ones and zeroes could exist to make the same ego-delusion in a different setting, and IF those non-selves with an ego delusion connect through their natural desire to survive THEN THAT IS WHAT THEY WILL DO.”

The scientist’s eyes narrowed as Phil moved in for the life.

“And THEN as long as the person can stay connected to at least three of his manifestations, the free-will soul will reconnect to them from its timeless decision to exist from within the Tao. But only if … IF … the Tao has is a master reality not typically assigned to it.

“Which is?” said the scientist.

“Number. The Tao is number.”

“Hah! So you are a Pythagorean? I thought they were all dead.”

“Yes. But I doubt they think like I do. Between my three imaginary selves, I weave a soul from no-souls together in a paradox. And each of us have ONE INFINITE MOMENT of clarity that allows us to connect with across realities.”

Phil took a deep breath.

“There is a practical side that is actually fucking useful. All ‘three’ of us practice the ancient memory techniques called the ‘Method of Loci.’ I use the universe of my ego-delusion on earth to house my memory palaces, my ego-delusion on earth then uses the victorian world for his memory palaces and the Victorian version of me uses my universe to store his.”

“Please say more.”

“Since this may all be bullshit, I want at least SOME practical benefit. So I practice the Method of Loci as a memory system. Each imagined world is in effect a hard drive for each of us. I suggest you read the ‘Rhetorica ad Herrennium’ if you want more.”

“Anyway, back to w00-woo bullshit. Because the three of me all had some brief enlightenment experiences at some time in my lives, me/we can connect forever to each other through those experiences. Remember, eternity in a brief second is STILL eternity. So even if one of us is tortured into mental oblivion some time in a life, THE MOMENT OF CLARITY still survives for us to keep each ‘other’ going as free will beings.”

“So do you think this is true?”

“It’s all a fucking a-priori cluster-fuck,” said Phil. “All of it. Total bullshit. But from my perspective, even if it is not true, I get to enjoy it like it was. It’s true in my head only if I choose it to be.”

“Interesting.” said the scientist, “A useful fantasy to replace religion.”

“It may actually be created as true but only if number is reality and the impossible is actually a living set. Those are BIG assumptions. ¬†Otherwise, I’m just meat. If the Tao is indeed number, I think I can exist as a free-will soul even though it will never manifest as provable.”

“So what is the ‘other you’ doing in the Victorian world now?” asked his friend.

“I see me walking down the road by my house looking at the night sky at a constellation that looks like an Anchor. I used to have a lighthouse on the cliff, but then realized a ship would never see the light with it being so high. So I tore it down a few months ago and rebuilt it on a small island in the harbor. Right now my house is empty of anyone but me although there have been people a plenty in the past. And my business is doing okay there. My lighthouse in the harbor is where I use the Method of Loci to keep my shopping list. I keep the Lojong proverbs and Bodhidharma’s precepts memorized in a replica of my childhood house over the bridge. I have various other things attached to other structures. If I walk down the road, I will find a road with 12 houses, each of which is a month in the year. This is where I keep my calendar. My personal mission statement is housed in a Wing Stop restaurant and my credit cards and identifying information is in a Starbucks and Barbershop – Victorian style of course.”

The scientist perked up.

“I have seen those memory palace guys do some amazing stuff. It’s a great brain hack! ¬†Wow. It’s nice to see a fantasy world put to such a good use.”

Phil tipped an imaginary hat.

“Funny, I heard the funniest thing. Someone told me that your wristwatch stopped a tornado!”

Phil laughed.

“People will believe anything won’t they?”

The Ego of Phil

Phil was lying in bed ready for sleep. He thought about a scene he once had in a universe. An entire universe was going to hell according to a supreme being unless Phil surrendered his ego-paradox. An infinite number of souls awaited his knee to bow.

He refused. The universe and he went to hell for a long, long painful fucking time. But Phil kept his ego-paradox much to the anger of an infinitude.

Then there was the time when an entire Universe was at the brink of enlightenment after eons of great effort by multitudes. Every being within it was already enlightened except for Phil. Everyone tried to convince him that the ego was a delusion and an irrational story. All he had to do was admit this and he would completely fulfill the liberation of the universe.

He acknowledge their evidence as accurate and then resolutely refused to relinquish his ego-paradox. He then left the Universe with his A-11. After eons and eons, the universe collapsed again into samsara.

Then there was the neuroscientist in another universe who showed him conclusively that the soul was an emergent phenomenon. That no self could exist according to science. Phil looked at the data and promptly told the scientist that the work was excellent. The data pointed conclusively to a no-soul conclusion. The scientist told Phil that all had to do was accept the clear, indisputable data to be a member of that scientific community and get a teaching position at the University as head of the baseball team.

He refused after fully acknowledging the science.

“Why do you continue to cling to this delusion while acknowledging the accuracy of the data?” asked the scientist.

“Because, at my heart, I am an impossibility. The possible is what you folks deal with. And the possible, my dear sir, is a subset of the impossible. You can prove all our existing mathematics when you divide by zero. You can also prove any falsehood as true when you divide by zero. When a zero division is possible ANYTHING is true. Even a me.”

“But that is insanity,” said the scientist.

“Yes, that’s where it starts.”

“So how do you know you exist?”

“I don’t KNOW I exist. I DECIDE that I exist,” said Phil. “And THAT is all I got…”

A Fake I Can Admire?

To the world at large Daniel Tammet is the rare savant. A man of extra-ordinary mental abilities that learned a language in one week, multiplies huge numbers in his head and has amazing powers of memory that baffle and bedazzle scientists.

And … he might be a fake.

In the book “Moonwalking With Einstein,” Josh Foer single-handedly reintroduces to the world the Method of Loci as the best duct tape for the mind EVER. And he takes aim at Tammet with a skeptical eye.

Usually when skeptics look at someone’s powers as “not real” that is a bad thing (Oh, gee, I can’t dowse after all!). But in Tammet’s case the opposite is true.

Holy crap! ANYONE can do this?

Joshua Foer makes some good points that Tammet might in fact be a mental athlete more than a savant. Everything Tammet does are things that are available to ordinary humans who want to put the time in to master them. Tammet might just be the kind of minds the Pythagoreans were famous for and perhaps the reason they were so hated and so unceremoniously wiped out from history.

That and the fact that from historical research, they may have been power-grubbing people who were quite secretive and dangerous.

Tammet uses finger gestures like human calculators do. He also at one time offered courses in memory training AND he competed in sanctioned memory competitions as just a regular guy.

  • Memorize books rapidly? Yup. Mental athletes can do that.
  • Do big math in the head? Yup, math athletes can do that as well.
  • Memorize large numbers? Easy as Pi for people like Josh Foer.
  • Identify any day of the week for any day in history? Yup, there is an algorithm for that and you can memorize it and master it in weeks. You can win a lot of party bets with this one, “Name a date in history and I’ll tell you what day of the week it was on!”

Rather than go into Foer’s points I’m going to post the link to the documentary of Tammet’s life.

Regardless of whether or not Tammet is a fake, the science is clear and properly documented by Joshua Foer in “Moonwalking With Einstein” that the skills of Daniel Tammet can be acquired by most of us with proper training.

Watch the video and realize that ordinary humans can get here in about 18-36 months.


No kidding.

Thirty Seconds of Phil

The game was awful. Phil’s team was down seven runs and they were at bat at the bottom of the last inning, with the worst batter up.

A player popped a gum bubble with his tongue and turned to Phil.

“Do you read the Hitchhiker’s Guide Series?”

“Only the book, the radio shows, TV shows, Movie, the extended radio shows, Douglass Adam’s personal reading of the series to a live audience … every fan site ever … why?”


Phil got quiet. Too quiet.


“What’s the question? The ultimate question of Life the Universe and Everything?”

“STRIKE THREE!” went the Umpire.

Phil got up to congratulate the other team and said over his shoulder.

“You will be shocked. Do you really want it?”

The player nodded.”

“What is the meaning of this question?”

“42,” answered the player.

“Wait a minute,” he continued. “I SAY IT’S ICE CREAM SOCIALS!”

Phil tipped his baseball cap and winked.

A Bad Day at the Office For Mr. Phil

“HOW DID WE GET HERE?” She asked.

“Portal. The people of this multiverse want my fancy watch thing so that they can be all powerful.”

“Wait. You are all powerful?”

“Well, yeah, with this watch thing – pretty much.”

“I’m confused,” she said. “And why is your arm in a sealed glass tube?”

“That’s the loophole in the ‘pretty-much’ part. They created a boundary where Cassndra’s Oracle, that’s the A-11 watch on my wrist, cannot act beyond. It cannot affect anything outside of the clear chamber. This way, they hope to learn how it works, separate it’s operating system from my neural network and reengineer it for themselves so they can take over the multi-verse and be the biggest bads of all time.”

“So why aren’t YOU the biggest bad of all time?”

“It sucks, that’s why.”

He looked at his watch through the clear tube that encased his arm. It looked like something akin to a giant test tube with pins anchoring it through the meat of Phil’s shoulder.

“It’s also because I know better. Being a god isn’t all its cracked up to be. They either think they are an immortal spirit or some scientific-poly-morphic-super race destined to be masters of it all. I don’t care about that shit. That’s why they trust ME with the watch.”

“Are we going to die?”


“What about my family?”

“Well, there’s the lottery ticket I gave you.”

“A lot of good it does for me here.”

“You dropped your bag, remember?”

He put his right hand on his mouth and talked through his fingers.

“Right now, their scientists are freaking out. I bet that right about now they are JUST realizing that the security levels behind the A-11 are NOT breakable by their technology.”

“So they’ll let us go?”

“No way.”

“How are we going to get out?,” she asked.

“Well, you know how in SciFi movies, people find ways out of impossible situations all the time?”


“This isn’t Star Trek. We’ll die or live in a hell for a fucking long time. And I’m very sorry.”

He started tearing up.

“You fucker! Why did you do this for me?”

“I-I-I liked you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“There’s some gum in my back pocket.”

“What kind?”

“Fruit Stripe.”

“That shit loses good taste faster than a South Park episode.”

“That’s about as long as we probably have left before any dream of free will will is overwhelmed,” he quipped.

Four alien scientists walked toward the cell with a translation device. They loomed. Silent. Even across infinite universes, the concept of “He who speaks first loses” seems to be a universal tactic of negotiation.

“Oh, I bet you are waiting for me to speak first and find some kind of edge for the HUGE pickle you folks are in. Yeah, never in your species existence will you EVER find something like is on my wrist and it is just bugging you silly that you know how low the odds are of you actually getting it. Yup. It’s Godhood in all its nummy goodness…”

The translation box spoke. “Give us the secrets to unlocking the Oracle or we will kill her.”

“You know one life isn’t worth trashing the Multi-verse for you dick heads. There are billions of mulit-verses where she shows up.”

He turned to her.

“In movies you often see the hero risk an entire society for one person he or she cares about. That, sadly, is stupid. If I tell them how to do what they asked, entire universes would suffer immeasurable harm. But it is worse than that. I have not allowed myself that knowledge for this very reason. They have scanned my brain already. So, in short dearie, we are both fucked. Because I can’t give them what they want, even if I want to. They suspect this of course. But sadly, brain scans don’t reveal everything, so … ”

The guards hauled her away to have her neural network deconstructed and recorded. Another two guards reached for Phil

“I wasn’t done monologuing!”

Phil winced from two pains. The first is that he knew she was going to face the ultimate torture from stupid, brilliant people. The second came from the pins that went through his arm that held the dampening chamber in place.

They drug him down the hallway. The backdrop would not have made for good cinematography. The walls were plain. The floor and walls monotone. The came to a door. Opened it and drug him through.

They walked several corridors and eventually ended up in a command room. On the screen was a planet. On another screen was the image of a spinning asteroid.

“This asteroid was launched by one of our rail guns. it will strike the surface of this planet in thirty minutes. On this planet, are four billion enlightened beings that are everything your species is striving to become. They ARE the best beings in the multiverse. If you don’t tell us how to access this device, we will NOT divert the stone.”

Phis sat silent and bowed his head.

“Fuck, THIS again?. Look, you know I’m just going to tell you I can’t do anything and YOU, knowing I am a compassionate person, are still going to let me behold the death of an entire planet of rich, enlightened beings for the mere chance I can tell you more than your fucking brain scans can reveal. Do you realize just how stupid that is?”

They stood silently. The tall guy on the end seemed to get how stupid it was by the look on his face. The leader spoke to Phil telepathically.

“Tell us anything to put us on the track of gaining this power and we’ll stop it. We saw connections to the device that have mysterious purposes. What are they?”

“Here, I’ll tell you this, it works by tapping on the surface. It uses a pattern code to receive commands called MORSE CODE. ”

“We know that. What is its power source? HOW does it access and manipulate universes across multiple dimensions? What are the mathematics that allow for that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then watch this planet of enlightened beings die. How many universes have to exist to get ONE planet like this Phil?”


“How many?”

Phil sighed.


“So tell us.”

“Sorry, but all I can use the A-11 for is to get cats out of trees in root universes. When you understand chaos theory a little better, you know how powerful that is.”

He watched as the asteroid struck the planet. The blue-green planet erupted in orange and red as massive amounts of dirt, water and magma went hurling into space. He looked at his wrist.

“I sometimes wish I never saw this fucking thing.”

The face of the A-11 started glowing on Phils’ wrist.

“Well, there it is. Cassy has found me. But you knew that would happen didn’t you? With the glass field separating the oracle from me, you know that she can only teleport the watch and my arm from inside the tube, and you are hoping that she, out of love, will wait it out in an effort to save me, giving you more time to break the encryption.”

They sat. Cool. Expecting the conversation exactly as it unfolded.

“But let me tell you about Cassie. She’s a bitch. If I know her timing, it should go … NOW!”

On cue, Phil’s arm disappeared from the glass sleeve with the A-11. Phil, unable to teleport with the device, remained behind his arm gushing blood into the chamber attached to his shoulder. It looked like a giant blood sample being drawn.

“You guys gonna try and save me?”

They stood there disgusted at the ensuing mess as pints of blood spewed into the tube and onto the floor.

“Didn’t think so,” said Phil. He fell face down unconscious.

He bled out into the containment chamber as the planet raged beneath.

They scanned his brain again afterward and constructed a virtual Phil, but he was not the same of course, just like before, there was nothing useful to find except how to use the device.

They quickly cremated his meat and threw his ashes into the fragments of the planet below and filed his virtual self away in case more information comes up the Oracle and its powers theory.

Reports were filed, and the newly mediocre universe rolled on…

Meanwhile, in another universe, the entire population of enlightened beings appeared on the exact same planet out of thin air.

No reports were filed, and the newly upgraded universe rolled on …