PHIL: “I just wish Cassy, I could be certain about SOMETHING. For crying out loud, is there nothing in this fucking universe one can be absolutely sure about? Why am I obsessed with absolute truth when there is none that can be relied upon?”
CASSANDRA (Sighing): “THIS again? When are you going to figure this out? I’ve been waiting for you to get this on your own, and you keep whining like a baby. So … fuck it … I’m fixing this right now.”
Cassandra got up and poured her and Phil a glass of wine. She sat down at the table they shared.
CASSANDRA: “Have you ever been certain about something? REALLY certain? Dead certain. Cock sure. Fucking CERTAIN only to find out later you were WRONG?”
CASSANDRA: “Okay. Do you remember how it FELT to be that certain and then find out you were wrong? Do you remember the arrogance it gave you. The stability it provided?”
CASSANDRA: “How did that feel?”
PHIL: “Great. Powerful. Awesome.”
CASSANDRA: “I know right? Thats why we want certainly so badly. Now, do you remember a time when you were certain about something, and you were right?”
CASSANDRA: “Did it feel just like it did when you were wrong and certain?”
PHIL (LAUGHING): “Yup.”
CASSANDRA: “So the certainty you felt while right felt EXACTLY like the certainty you feel while wrong. So, dipshit, why not just choose to create the powerful and liberating feeling of certainty any time YOU want without an object or idea to be right or wrong about?”
Cassandra put a glass on the table. She looked him in the eye from the side to convey that he needed to pay attention.
CASSANDRA: “Is this wine glass right now placed on a table?”
CASSANDRA: “Feel that certainty. KNOW that you see a glass on the table regardless if it is actually there, even IF this universe is a simulation, or if this is a dream. It doesn’t matter, regardless, it SEEMS there for this setting, right?”
PHIL: “Okay. Got it.”
CASSANDRA: “How sure can you FEEL about it?”
CASSANDRA: “Can you amplify it to full blown arrogance?”
CASSANDRA: “Can you manufacture that feeling of certainty and just FEEL it without attaching it to the glass? Try it.”
PHIL: “Okay … ”
Phil sat still and started smiling.
PHIL: “Ha! Yes I can. I can feel arrogantly certain just because I want to feel arrogantly certain!”
CASSANDRA: “You have the secret to Cassandra-level smugness Phil.”
PHIL (LAUGHING): THAT IS AWESOME!”
Cassandra sipped her wine.
CASSANDRA: “It’s the secret to Cassandra magic. Don’t fake it till you make it. Just make it till it’s not fake anymore. And then train it into your default reaction and mood.”
Cassandra looked at Phil with a certainty that cut through him like a laser. Phil was visibly uncomfortable and drank his wine nervously.
CASSANDRA: “Certainly … JUST certainty … No words. No object. No ideas. No right. No wrong. Just. Certainty.”
She took another sip.
CASSANDRA: “Work on it.”