Phil Fable – Phil Becomes God

Phil was sitting with his mutt on a park bench in New York City at Thomas Payne park. A lot of people don’t know why Thomas Payne has a park names after him in New York City. The reason is because the great writer died a homeless drunk on its streets. In his later years, Payne was ostracized by almost everyone because of a book he wrote. It’s title?

“Age of Reason.” Payne vicious attack on Christianity, Judiasm and Islam. 

Many people think Payne had bi-polar disorder. He was a drunk. He couldn’t keep a job. He sucked with money. 

But he literally wrote America into existence with his book “Common Sense.” And no book had the courage of “Age of Reason” and Payne almost paid for that book with his life in France. 

Phil sat there thinking about how New York City did this to both Thomas Payne and Nicola Tesla who both died penniless world changers. He thought about the intolerance of religion and went back to the day before when he was accosted by a religious zealot. Their conversation reverberated in Phil’s head. 

“You really like this Jesus guy huh?” said Phil. 

“Well, HE CHANGED MY LIFE. And I want you in heaven with me!” said the Zealot. 

“I don’t believe God exists anymore as you describe,” said Phil. 

This started the well-worn standard “Does God Exist” debate with the Zealot giving out the same old arguments skeptics have shot down for years to no avail. Eventually, like many such conversations, it comes down to the good-old finisher – the God of the gaps. 

“Well,” said the Zealot. “You can’t prove he DOESN’T exist.” 

Phil smiled. He’d been waiting a long time to hear that come up. 

“True. And you know what? There is something I forgot to tell you. I’M ACTUALLY GOD. Yeah, that’s right. I made this universe and then I became a man again. Not to save the world like Jesus did. No, it was just to enjoy it. You may kneel if you like.”

“YOU ARE GOD?” mocked the Zealot. 

“Yup. Kneel.”

“So pick up the stone with your mind if you are God.” 

“Easy Satan, Jesus didn’t fall for that when he met HIS devil in the desert. It seems I have met mine here. Let me explain. In this incarnation of my divine nature, I have forgone ALL my powers.” 

Phil looked at the world around him with great love and admiration. 

“No, I gave them all up to just be here. Nothing fancy. Just my work before me. You too. I made you. In fact, I have made so many universes, your mind cannot fathom their number.” 

“Sir, I caution you that you are being blasphemous right now.” 

“It’s not blaspheme if it’s true.” 

“Well then, if you are God, did Jesus rise from the dead?” 

“That’s a spoiler. Sorry. You have to keep it on faith. If I told you that answer you wouldn’t need faith would you?”

“You’re GOOD,” laughed the Zealot. “I’ve never met someone like you before. But come on. You really need to stop kidding yourself. The Bible says…” 

“SHUT UP!,” demanded Phil. “DON’T YOU KNOW YOUR GOD WHEN YOU SEE HIM?” 

The zealot stepped back. He started praying his eyes tightly shut …

“Dear Jesus, help this man see your grace, your sweet, sweet grace.”

He opened his eyes and Phil’s face and eyeballs were one inch away from his. 

“Boo.” said Phil. 

The zealot bounced back. He started walking away from Phil hastily. 

Phil pursued him from behind trumpeting his Godhood with the same logic the Zealot used earlier. 

“Can you prove that it is NOT true? Can you prove that I am NOT God? Can you? Well, that’s the point isn’t it. If you are going to base your tautological beliefs on what is NOT provable, then why be some God’s BITCH when you can be the GOD HIMSELF! Why waste such power? Can you prove that YOU are not God?” 

The zealot turned around. 

“I”ll pray for you.’ 

“You mean TO me right?”

“NO!”

“Why so great a no? I can’t prove your God doesn’t exist and you can’t prove I am NOT the God you worship.” 

“I”m done here,” said the Zealot. 

“Wait, one more thing, and I promise I will let you go. I gave you free will after all. I want to say ONE thing to make it all right.” 

The Zealot stood still – waiting. 

“I’m not really your God.”

“Thank you,” said the Zealot.

“I know your God doesn’t exist anymore because I captured Him myself. He was a gene-torturer and guilty of celestial war crimes among the continuum of monads. He had to be taken out, and it was my job. I did it with this wrist watch.”

Phil held up his left wrist and continued. 

“It sucked him up just like in Ghost Busters. I’m sorry. It was for the betterment of the rest of the multiverse. I can assure you, though that we didn’t send him to a hell like he did to trillions. We didn’t stoop to HIS level. Nobody deserves hell. Let’s just say he can’t hurt anyone anymore …” 

The zealot just walked away. 

A pretty girl captured Phil’s attention back to where he was. A fall leaf blew and lodged itself agains his trowser as Phil petted Mickey. Mickey put his chin on his knee and Phil felt Mickey’s tiny chin bones cut into his thigh. He thought about the Zealot and realized that his conversation had NO impact whatsoever. 

“You remember don’t you Mick. Oh, that Jehovah was NOT happy! I still shudder at the look in His face as he was sucked into the A-11…” 

12 thoughts on “Phil Fable – Phil Becomes God

  1. Funny !

    I had all the people arround me perfectly categorized and solidified in my mind as run-of-the-mill humans. And that is just one example of an automaticity impoverishing my own life.

    A religious friend of mine used to think that every beggar he saw could be God checking him out
    🙂

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