Phil Fable – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Phil decided to fly through the Universe on a Tuesday. It was a low-level activity as far as the A-11 signature goes. Flying didn’t alert the endless number of god-like Monads that wanted to either own the A-11 or obliterate it from existence.

Flying is just good, cheap fun.

“F-l-y … i-n …s-p-a-c-e … u-s-i-n-g …p-r-o-t-o-c-o-l …f-o-u-r” typed Phil in Morse code.

A clear sphere appeared around him and he shot up into the heavens.

He picked a star and flew toward it – warping space behind him. His space bubble giving off the signature of a standard warp drive.

He flew past hundreds of worlds and then he found one that was JUST adorable. He stopped and typed into his watch. “T-e-l-l … m-e … a-b-o-u-t …t-h-i-s … w-o-r-l-d … a-n-d …  u-s-e … t-h-e … v-o-i-c-e … o-f … M-o-r-g-a-n … F-r-e-e-m-a-n.”

Morgan Freeman’s voice filled the sphere.

“This planet is evolving life wonderfully and even has a species that is highly intelligent and telepathic. It achieves this by a symbiotic relationship it has with the planet’s plants. A global mind actually exists and occurred naturally. For the most part, it has been overlooked by most because no technology appears present or likely. The planet will die in 431 years as  loose Gas Giant from outside the solar system comes barreling through this solar system whipping this green planet to the outer reaches of this  system where its inhabitants will freeze to death.”

Phil looked at his A-11 and morsed in.


“You rang?” asked Cassy.

“Cassy, how much of a signature would the elimination of a stray gas giant cause? It’s about to ruin a really cool place.”

Phil heard Cassy’s laughter.

“Ask me again,” she said.


“It would wake up EVERY being that ever hunted the A-11 and give them your address, phone number, position, speed, dimension, and enough data to know way more than they have ever known about the device. Basically, it would make you public munchie number one.”

He flew down to the planet and morsed in a command to create a perception filter around him so that he would appear as a local and walked around.

“You’re down there aren’t you?” chirped Cassy.


“Let me guess, it’s fucking beautiful.”


“You’ll kill the feeler if a Phil is tortured again. He has month of recovery scheduled. And you know what will happen to your future and your effectiveness if you do this. You can’t kill that gas giant.”

“Aren’t god-like powers supposed to be easy?”

“Yes, but they are so, so nummy. You know that.”

Phil typed in the command that told the A-11 to scan the molecular structure of the planet and its life and store it for future regeneration. ”

“Scanning is easy,” said Cassy. “But processing will take two decades and the A-11 can do no other functions other than hide you and give you food and medicine! The device ALSO must stay on the planet it’s processing, it needs the evolving planet as a reference point to check for consistencey. You are stuck there protecting it!” said Cassy.

“You got a better idea?,” asked Phil.


The A-11 got warmer as it began to process the planet’s entire atomic structure existing within one nanosecond of time.

Phil spoke to the rocks around him.

“No good deed goes unpunished! I’m sorry people of this world!  But I’m NOT getting rid of a gas giant you don’t even know about! And it WILL kill you! But I assure you, we will never forget you and we will restore you in another safe location and all of you living there will be none the wiser, but then again all of you here … will die.”

He then took a long, sad hike – the twenty year kind.

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