Phil was lying in bed ready for sleep. He thought about a scene he once had in a universe. An entire universe was going to hell according to a supreme being unless Phil surrendered his ego-paradox. An infinite number of souls awaited his knee to bow.
He refused. The universe and he went to hell for a long, long painful fucking time. But Phil kept his ego-paradox much to the anger of an infinitude.
Then there was the time when an entire Universe was at the brink of enlightenment after eons of great effort by multitudes. Every being within it was already enlightened except for Phil. Everyone tried to convince him that the ego was a delusion and an irrational story. All he had to do was admit this and he would completely fulfill the liberation of the universe.
He acknowledge their evidence as accurate and then resolutely refused to relinquish his ego-paradox. He then left the Universe with his A-11. After eons and eons, the universe collapsed again into samsara.
Then there was the neuroscientist in another universe who showed him conclusively that the soul was an emergent phenomenon. That no self could exist according to science. Phil looked at the data and promptly told the scientist that the work was excellent. The data pointed conclusively to a no-soul conclusion. The scientist told Phil that all had to do was accept the clear, indisputable data to be a member of that scientific community and get a teaching position at the University as head of the baseball team.
He refused after fully acknowledging the science.
“Why do you continue to cling to this delusion while acknowledging the accuracy of the data?” asked the scientist.
“Because, at my heart, I am an impossibility. The possible is what you folks deal with. And the possible, my dear sir, is a subset of the impossible. You can prove all our existing mathematics when you divide by zero. You can also prove any falsehood as true when you divide by zero. When a zero division is possible ANYTHING is true. Even a me.”
“But that is insanity,” said the scientist.
“Yes, that’s where it starts.”
“So how do you know you exist?”
“I don’t KNOW I exist. I DECIDE that I exist,” said Phil. “And THAT is all I got…”