The 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s sinking was a several days ago. And it reminded me of an idea I had after first watching the movie.
I wondered if there was a way someone could actually survive the Titanic without making it into a lifeboat. This is what I came up with:
Step 1. Run to the engine room, or kitchen, and get some kind of tub of grease. Any grease will do: animal, vegetable or mineral.
Step 2. Get all the pants, long underwear, pullover shirts, toboggan hats and socks you can find.
Step 3. Strip down naked and grease your entire body: hair, face, toes, hair, everything.
Step 4. Grease a layer of socks, pants, and pullover shirt. Put it on.
Step 5. Repeat Step 5 until you either look like Santa Claus or are out of grease.
Step 6. Finish off with a rain coat and toboggan hat and gloves.
Step 7. Find SOMETHING that can float. The grease will help, but you need something to hold onto.
Step 8. Wait until the last possible minute to get in the water.
Step 9. Hopefully, the layers will soak up the sea water and the grease will act as a barrier, creating a wet suit.
Step 10. Float and survive.
Step 11. Find the redhead, console her. Fall in love. Sell the rock and move to LA with her and start one of those companies doing that “new fangled movie thing.”
This is of course, untested, and I don’t feel like braving the North Atlantic Waters to see if it would ACTUALLY work.