Two frat boys sat at the bar and their IQs were at about five beers.
“Screw this. I just want to be immortal. I want to be an eternal me with free will so I can say ‘fuck ALL THIS SHIT,’ so how do I do this?”
His friend got up and staggered outside and got a cricket. He put the cricket in a beer cup. Set the cup down and went into the ladies room by mistake. There was a scream. He staggered back. Forgot the cup. Got the cup. Came back. Realized he still needed the mens room. Put the cup down. Placed a cardboard coaster on top of the cup. Went to the mens room. Came back. Looked under the cardboard coaster at the cricket. Sat down.
All of this felt very important.
He gave his friend the cricket in the cup and said.
Teach this … cricket how to read and recite …. Hamlet … for the college professor over there in the corner and the rest will be …”
He raised a hand to indicate a dramatic pause.
His friend picked up the glass and looked in and said.
“To be or not to be cricket? THAT is the question … hey! … This cricket is a fucking idiot!”
His friend started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“You have a nickname.”
“Why … cricket?”
“Cuz you’re not passing English Lit either.”
“Oh … but hey, I got a tutor. Better than this stupid cricket.”
He took the cricket cup outside and flung it out of the cup toward the moon. The cricket landed on the grass.